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Archive for May, 2009

Here’s one thing that most dating sites won’t tell you:

Internet dating is often *a lot* more shallow than real life dating. The exception is when the dating site is a “niche dating site” or a site that creates matches based on psychological profiles.

On a “generic” dating site (especially the free sites), people will often go from the top to bottom of a list and only pick out the pictures they find attractive.

If you don’t have a good picture, good luck. In real life, at least you can approach the woman and light up the whole room with your confident body language and exciting personality.

But on the Internet, you profile may not even be read if you do not have a good thumbnail.

Here’re the kind of odds you are dealing with…

I did a test a few months ago. I borrowed a picture of an attractive woman (with her permission of course) and set up a simple profile for her.

The profile does not have any special words or phrases.

It’s pretty empty except for the picture.

And guess how many messages it received on the first day?

Over 100!

Now tell me…how will a woman screen through all those messages AND search for other people?

By picture thumbnails first, profile second, of course.

Here’s what I think:

Hit rates used to be a lot higher seven years ago when there were less members on various dating sites…but now I think the situation gets worse every year as more and more people sign up.

I am not against Internet dating though.

By all means, put up a profile and have fun.

Have a nice picture of you doing something adventurous (like sky-diving or rock-climbing) and then build up the social proof in your profile.

If you are a pilot, put up a picture of yourself in front of a small plane.

This will probably double or triple your response rate.

Yes, it’s shallow. But hey! If nobody even clicks on your profile, then you’re never going to get a chance to show anyone what a nice and warm person you’re inside!H

It’s 10 pm right now (PST) and I got to thinking about free dating advice I could offer men. Here goes…

How many times have you gotten into a hot and dirty conversation with a woman you met while you were online late one night?

It’s kinda fun, right?

Let me ask you a question though …

Have you ever had a late night online chat with a woman culminate in more than chatting?

Have you ever truly seduced a woman online?

More specifically, have you ever seduced a woman online and made her so hot for you that she agreed to come over to your place that very night?

Sound far-fetched?

Or … like something that only can be done with the kind of women you may not want coming over to your place?

Wrong!

How do I know?

Well beyond the fact that I’ve seen it work first-hand, as many of you know I have been coaching women as well as men for the last ten years years — so I have had HUNDREDS of women confess their wants and desires to me.

So How can you REALLY seduce a woman online AND get her to come over?

It takes a couple of things to do this.

First off, one of the things you need to realize is that if you’re online on a dating site late at night after say 10:00 p.m. and you connect with a woman at that time, you need to quickly - immediately - get her to instant message with you.

It’s a two-step process.

One, there’s some websites like jdate.com that have instant message right away (which is fantastic!)

BUT let’s say you’re on something like Yahoo! Personals or match.com or lavalife.com or date.com, or one of those.

Let’s also say that a woman contacts you first, and she writes something like “Nice profile.”

You write back to her IMMEDIATELY if you’re online — because what’s happening here is she’s fishing …

And if she’s fishing late at night, it probably means she’s bored. (She might also be a little horny too, you never know.)

So you just need to play around a little bit — you need to immediately email her back and say:

You: “Yeah, I like your profile too.”

And then you bust her on something. Let’s say there’s something in her profile that says she’s spontaneous and daring. So you’ll then write:

You: “Are you spontaneous and daring really? ‘Cause everybody writes that.”

Send it - immediately challenge her.

By challenging her, she’s going to respond to you immediately. If she responds to you right away, she will likely say something like this:

Her: “Yes I am spontaneous and daring. Do you want me to prove it?”

(You know, they’re always about proving it)

Then you say:

You: “Yes I do. Send me your IM screen name right now, and I’ll send you an IM and we’ll chat.”

So immediately she’ll send you back the IM screen name.

SO now what you’ve done is set up a daring exchange with her.

It doesn’t matter if you use the “daring / spontaneous” exchange with her. There’s a lot of different ways to get her attention.

BUT But the bottom line is …

If a woman emails you late at night, say after 10:00 p.m., she’s up for an IM session. She’s not up for a LONG email exchange back and forth…

She’s up late and feeling a little frisky, so you’re playing the odds.

So what needs to happen next is you’ve got to create tension with her. Now let’s say you’re on IM with her and you say:

You: “Wow, you really are a daring person.”

Congratulate her for being daring. Congratulate her for coming out a little bit. She’ll IM you back and say:

Her: “See, I told you I am.”

What you need to do now is IMMEDIATELY take it out of the small talk range.

See, most guys will keep it in the small talk range here and get into a boring conversation about work, the weather, or about other things. What I do is I like to push the gusto.

So congratulate her a little bit for being daring. Then, instead of talking small talk like most guys do, don’t play it safe. Most guys play it safe.

Women are looking for guys who take control. Most women are looking for guys who want to be the leader.

Women want you to be the leader. Women want you to be daring. Women want you to be confident.

That’s what they’re looking for, so what you need to do is open her up a little bit and say:

You: “Yeah, I’m glad that you’re a little daring, but IM is nothing. I’ll tell you what, do you want to have some fun tonight?”

She’ll respond and say:

Her: “Absolutely.”

Of course she wants to have fun. You’re getting inside her head!

She’s been bored. She’s been sitting around her house just like you have all night long. She wants to have a good time.

You don’t know yet what she wants or what type of good time she wants to have, but you have to push the envelope.

A strong guy will push the envelope. A strong guy will lead her down the path she where wants to go, and you’ll create tension to build the steps.

So you’re not going to play it safe like every other guy. So you’re going to go back to the IM, and you’re going to say:

You: “OK … Have you ever played IM truth or dare?”

Her: “No. What is that?”

You: “Well basically what it’s ‘20 Questions,’ but ALL questions have to be something that’s different, interesting and daring. You can’t ask any boring questions.”

Her: “Like what?”

You: “Boring questions … like about work, family life. It’s got to be about something interesting and exciting - about something you’ve always wanted to ask a guy.”

You’re leading her a little bit. And then what she’ll say next is:

Her: “OK.”

You: “OK? I thought you were daring and spontaneous.”

Throw it back at her. She’ll say:

Her: “Yeah, yeah - I’m daring and spontaneous!”

You: “Good. That’s the attitude I like. Now, being a gentleman like my Mother always taught me, I want you to go first.”

Now what you’re telling her is that you’re a gentleman by letting her go first. There’s a lot of subliminal stuff in here. There’s a lot of subliminal mind teasing.

Nine times out of ten, she will come back at you with some kind of sexual remark. Meaning things like “What do you like to do?” or “What type of sex do you like to have?” or “What’s your favorite position?”

Now, what you need to do is get very creative here. Because most guys would write back and say something very caveman-like and very sexual and in response to a question about his favorite position say something like “I like to pound a woman on top.”

No, no, no!

You have to speak woman-talk. You’ve got to be able to seduce her and tease her. Women are all about very visual things described in words.

So let’s say a woman asks me what my favorite sexual position is. What I’m going to do is I’m going to get her so hot right now that her mind is going to be on fire which will turn her body on fire.

I’m going to describe a very hot, sensual, erotic massage. I’ll say:

You: “I love to give a hot, sensual, erotic massage.”

And what I’ll do is describe it detail by detail … talking about how I love to flip her on her stomach, and how I love to put oil and rub my hands together to get them all warm so she can feel the sensation of how warm the oil is on my big, large hands.

You describe it. Then you tell her how you’re going to massage every little inch of her body, how you’re going to touch her thighs, the back of her knees, how you’re going to touch her back.

You: “I love at that point to alternate between my hands and my mouth, slowly taking my lips and gliding them over your body.”

What you’re doing here is you’re creating a scene. You’re teasing her a lot. What happens next is you say:

You: “That’s what I like to do.”

Don’t turn around and tell her you like to screw her afterwards. Just get her really, really hot. What she’s going to do next is she’s going to say:

Her: “Wow!”

Then you’re going to say:

You: “Yeah, that’s nothing. That’s just the beginning. It’s my turn, right?”

So then what you do is throw something out of left field, because it shows that you’re in control. What most guys are going to do now is to ask her what her favorite sexual position is or what she likes to do. What I like to do is say:

You: “What was your favorite pet you ever had?”

So at that point she becomes very confused thinking “Wait a second. This guy just described the most hot, sexual thing to me in the entire world, he has me totally turned on, and NOW he’s asked me about my favorite pet.” So what she’ll say is:

Her: “My cat Fluffy was my favorite pet.”

And you’ll say:

You: “Fluffy, huh? So Fluffy was a cute little pussy cat? Awww … What a cute little pussy cat.”

Tease her a little bit. By using the term “pussy,” she’s already thinking about how her pussy is hot and wet to begin with anyway.

So you see that what’s going on here. It’s a lot of creating tension, and it’s showing her that you’re strong.

Now HERE’S WHERE IT GETS REALLY HOT … FOR HER.

So then what you’re going to do is say:

You: “Your turn, right?”

Then she’s probably going to ask you a sexual question again. She’s going to say something like:

Her: “If you could have a woman do anything, what would it be?”

Then what you need to say is:

You: “I love a woman who respects my dick.”

Her: “What?”

You: “Hmmmm …”

Then you wait ten, twenty, thirty seconds, and she’s going to be wondering “What is this about me respecting his dick?” and she’ll start saying things like:

Her: “Well?”

You: “Are you sure you can handle this?”

Her: “Absolutely!”

You: “OK, before I tell you this about how I want a woman to respect my dick, I want to know what your favorite sexual thing is to do to a guy.”

Her: “Oh God, I love to give a guy head.”

You: “You know what, so many women say that. But women who don’t respect dick don’t really know how to give head.”

Challenge her a little bit. She’ll come back and say:

Her: “Oh I know how to give the best head.”

You: “You know what, all women say that.”

Her: “Oh, but I really do.”

You: “Maybe one day you’ll get lucky enough to show me your skills.”

So what you’re doing is teasing her a little bit, AND you’re showing her you’re in total control of the situation.

It’s unbelievable … it works EVERY time.

Perhaps you are wondering where the “coming over” part is? Sit tight … I’m gettin’ there!

Now between emails and IM’s, you’ve probably been into this thing about 45 minutes. So what you need to do now is ask her a question like:

You: “Let me ask you a question. Are you wet right now?”

Her: “Yes.”

You: “What are you wearing?”

Her: [She'll tell you what she's wearing]

You: “Look, do you want to talk on the phone? It would be great to hear your voice. Plus I’d really like to hear more about how you’re going to respect my dick and I want to tell you what I like to do after that sensual massage.”

She’ll give you her phone number and you get on the phone with her.

The next thing you do is start talking to her in a very deep, seductive voice. Then you start saying:

You: “Do you want to play more ‘20 questions?’”

Her: “Absolutely.”

So, every time she asks you a sexual question, you take a long, slow, drawn out way to describe what you want to do to her.

During this time she’s going to be getting very wet. During this time she’s probably going to be touching herself.

So what you need to do when she’s touching herself, is listen for some sighs or some moans. When she starts moaning a little bit or sighing, you then confront her on it because it’s showing that you’re in complete and utter control.

You: “Are you touching yourself right now? Are you touching your pussy right now?”

Her: “Yes.”

You: “How does your pussy taste? Does your pussy taste good?”

Her: “It tastes so good.”

You: “Taste your pussy for me, because I want to know how good it tastes and I love eating pussy that tastes good.”

And you know what? She’ll taste it for you, because she knows you’re in complete control and she wants a guy who is in total control over her sexually.

It shows that you’re extremely powerful and you’re strong. That’s how you successfully seduce a woman.

So what you do next when she does that is you say:

You: “Are you going to touch yourself right now? Are you going to bring yourself to orgasm?”

Her: “Do you want me to?”

You: “You know what? I’d much rather see it in person. I’d much rather have you here, standing here so I can watch you. I want to sit in my chair, and I want to tell you exactly what to do to your pussy.”

Take control!

Her: “Do you really want that? Do youreally want to?”

You: “Absolutely. But you know what? I don’t even know you. I’d invite you over right now, but you could be a crazy chick. So I don’t want to invite you over.”

Do a little laughter here, because she’s probably thinking the same thing and wondering if you’re crazy.

What’s happening here is you’re in complete control, and you’re throwing her fears back in her face. By making her think you are afraid, it’s a very subliminal, subconscious way to mind f&*@ her all the way into your bedroom.

She WILL show up.

You’ve got to have some balls, and you have to get her to come over.

Here’s a bit of dating advice for men:

Some guys believe that instant messaging is to be avoided at all costs when beginning to talk to women we meet online.

I understand that sentiment to some degree, based on the logic that it’s always a good idea to get women from e-mail to phone-and then to first meeting-as soon as possible.

Apart from that, a lot of water starts rushing under the proverbial bridge and we may find ourselves having wasted a lot of time when and if we end up disappointed upon meeting. And no doubt, IM can be a major aggravating factor when it comes to prolonging the pre-meeting phase.

Likewise, the more we talk and talk to women before actually meeting them the greater the probability of slipping into the Dreamscape Effect, which is when we literally invent an image of the “real” woman we’re dealing with without actually having the benefit of knowing yet what reality holds. The longer this goes on, the more damaging the disappointment can be when it happens. We’ll discuss the Dreamscape Effect in greater detail in a future post.

Learn More About How To Attract And Seduce Women Using Phone, Text Messaging And Voice Mail

So then, yes…if a woman is using IM simply as a means of protracting the process of getting to the first meeting, then such scenarios are to be avoided. If she repeatedly refuses to escalate to the next level of communication (e.g. e-mail to IM, IM to phone, phone to meeting) but continues to appear interested, then that’s likely what you are dealing with. “Safety” and “taking things slow” makes a good excuse, but very often she’s nervous about disappointing you, and this may be for good reason.

All of that said, here are some great ideas for using IM as an effective tool:

Attract And Seduce Using Phone, Text, And Voice Mail

1. It’s Outstanding Practice

David DeAngelo gets the credit for talking about IM (and online chat rooms) in terms of being a “female simulator”. While my own personal style is to always focus on the fact that there is indeed a real human being behind any online interaction, it absolutely is true that IM is a great “proving ground” for fine-tuning your interactions with women.

You get some time to form your words, and you have the luxury of erasing and retyping before hitting “send”. You can’t do that on the phone or in person, huh?

But that part is obvious. What few guys tend to remember is that she is afforded the same advantages..

So look alive, out there fellas.

You just might get the challenge you are looking for from some of the sharper women out there who have some game of their own beyond typing “hi whatcha doin?”.

As you put more time in IMing, you’ll find that your real-time interactions will become more fluid and natural, and you’ll be a bit quicker on the draw. That’s a good thing.

2. You Can Balance Conversations With Multiple Women Simultaneously

In diametric opposition to claims that IM is a “time waster”, I’m here to tell you that IM is pretty much a gift to a guy who is dating multiple women. You can literally carry on conversations with as many women at once as you can handle, even while multi-tasking.

This, of course, is impressively convenient if you work at home or otherwise are required to spend a lot of time on the computer. You can literally be sure to give enough attention to certain women in your life that they don’t feel neglected without having to text message or call them separately.

Just don’t get the windows mixed up. That can suck.

3. Long Distance Penpals Rock

Yeah, yeah. You don’t want to get wadded up in a serious, emotionally-loaded relationship with someone who is hundreds or thousands of miles away. Given.

But if you know how to keep your wits about you, meeting women online from other places-which is especially easy on some of the niche dating sites out there-can be a blast.

And the IM conversations you can have with them are a major reason why.

Something remarkable happens when a woman believes that she has very little chance of meeting you…and therefore little chance of you interacting with her local friends and relatives.

Very often, she loses a measure of inhibition.

In these cases, you can affect particularly hot, sexually-charged conversations much more quickly than you can with women who may actually meet you someday.

Call it less urgency surrounding the “anti-slut defense”. Call it a greater measure of bravado thanks to the insulation of distance. Whatever.

What’s important is that even higher-quality, respectable women who are farther away will engage in more flirtatious and generally hornier conversations MUCH, MUCH sooner than they would if they lived around the corner.

Not only does this make for great fun, once again it seriously helps you develop your game for when the chips are down in real life. And that can’t be a bad thing.

Incidentally, the mechanics of how exactly to get these types of conversations underway is very similar to how it’s done via phone. Phone seduction is covered in step-by-step detail in my new audio program Telecom Game.

And, of course, an especially enjoyable by-product of this whole effect comes from the added dimension enabled by…

4. Webcams

Oh heck yes.

Man, just fifteen years ago the concept of video-conferencing was still futuristic stuff, wasn’t it? I remember setting up massive V-Tel monitors costing thousands of dollars and pixelized, BRI ISDN-driven images back in the day when I first started in the IT world. Crazy.

And nowadays a “eyeball cam” from the electronics store of your choice and the magic of broadband has made it all a reality.

But ironically enough, we have collectively found that we don’t much care for seeing each other when we’re on the phone. Video-conferencing just never became as ubiquitous as we had guessed it might.

After all, it’s amazing how few times we actually feel “presentable” enough to go video when we answer the phone.

So most of us have pretty much learned to overlook video-conferencing as even an option.

But see, here’s the thing. A lot of women still have webcams.

And like I said, when they live thousands of miles away from you, they tend to lose inhibition sooner.

Provided you are man enough to ignite her femininity correctly, and patient enough not to act like a MySpace newbie in Tila Tequila’s picture section, after successfully getting a sexually charged conversation going you may actually find it’s HER IDEA to give you a show.

Don’t push it, just let it happen. If you feel it’s far enough along in the conversation, and she’s showing serious interest in some high-octane flirting to the point of openly sexual conversation, then you can feel welcome to make a subtle suggestion that she’s a whole lot of talk and not enough action. LOL

One caveat. If you think that women are going to be impressed by your sudden, unexpected NIFOC appearance (”naked in front of the computer”) as soon as you fire up the cam, you’ve got a long way to go.

Women are wired differently. Oddly enough, women DO expect NIFOC guys as soon as the cam goes on, so you really aren’t “surprising” anyone. But more importantly, they expect it because they’re used to NEEDY guys who are sex-focused and have no idea how women are wired.

But given solid execution in building sexual tension and what I call “chemical momentum” with women, the possibilities are endless.

5. A Secret Weapon For Single Dads

A shout out to my brethren out there who are single parents. I’ve been there myself, and the specific issues you face are not talked about in the Seduction Community nearly enough.

When you’ve got full-time custody of your kids you’ve got responsibilities so you can’t exactly go out every night.

And more importantly, if you can’t exactly hold proper phone conversations with women in front of the kids, right?

Viva IM.

And, um…I guess if you still live at home with your Mom you can’t exactly have proper phone conversations without stepping outside either. So perhaps this idea has multiple applications.

So there you have it. By the way, make sure your use of “smileys” is judicious. Think unexpected and edgy rather than typical or “nice”. That way you’ll always be sending the right messages. Never use standard smiley or wink emoticons if you can help it. I’m starting to think some guys can’t help it.

A great list of secret “hidden” emoticons for Yahoo IM can be found through a simple search on Yahoo. This is always good for catching women off guard. Try “Not Listening” when she’s busting on you, and try “Dancing” after you drop a particularly good C/F line.